This week’s entry is from John, our Director here at Pathways. He’s been thinking lately about what the goal behind all our efforts to get this blog rolling is.
It is sometimes intimidating to put our thoughts down on paper. The process somehow provides accountability. Writing confronts us with our own thought. If we are particularly courageous, it may also give others the opportunity to critique our thinking. Perhaps that is part of the reason it has taken me so long to write this blog entry. It seems easier for me to hold opinions and to even talk about them than to engrave them in the electronic archive that is the internet for all who are interested to read… and potentially criticize.
At the same time, speaking the truth of my heart and mind is critical to the ability of others to actually understand me. The most sympathetic and open-minded listener will have great difficulty understanding and respecting me if I do not dare to speak (or write) what I really think, an expression of who I actually am – even if ironic or illusory. Who I am, of course, is not limited to the words I utter and some would argue that I cannot be truly confident that there is one “real” me. Nonetheless, I would not expect somebody to meaningfully understand me based on a single interaction, an experience of me or my thought at one given moment in time. So, if I don’t speak often or give people wide opportunities to experience me, how could I expect them to understand me? If I don’t give others opportunity to understand me, do I have the right to demand that they respect me?
Come to think of it, it would seem simple for me to guard myself from critique by retreating into a sort of conflict. I might merely ensconce myself in the exaggerated reality of not being understood … and by the inherent limitations on such comprehension. Why speak if I will never be understood? Why speak if those listening have no interest in really understanding? Why speak if they don’t respect me? I mean, how could they really understand me if they don’t first respect me so as to hear that which I am actually seeking to communicate? Or is respect actually necessary for such understanding?
The blog at PFMRinteract is a forum for authentic and substantive communication. Its themes follow the values and substantive focus of PFMR (www.pfmr.org). We invite people to step out in what Adam Kahane has called talking openly, a “speaking up” which empowers us to see problems more clearly and to understand them from multiple perspectives (Kahane, Solving Tough Problems). The counterpart to speaking, of course, is listening. To benefit from others speaking up we need to listen openly. PFMRinteract is about creating a space where open speaking and listening happens. Perhaps one could say that the starting place is mutual respect, the pathway is communication and collaboration, and the destination is increased trust and understanding.
I invite you to join us on this pathway. You may find that it takes new courage, thought, or effort to contribute meaningfully to our conversation. I would argue that it is worth it. Your voice matters… in more ways than one.
